I forgot I had this thing.

Howdy.

I guess it's uncool to update blogs these days, cause nobody does anymore. However, I've never had any problem with being completely uncool, so here goes nothing.

Life is pretty good. I am all smiles to go to work in the morning, enjoying one of my two classes, workin out and looking pretty healthy (I didn't say skinny...I said healthy), and applying to PA schools. Pretty damn busy, but of course I like it that way.

I'm still going to the nursing home a few times a week, and holy shit do I have fun there. Those people are the sweetest, most adorable people in the world and I absolutly love them. Plus they really really feed my ego "Aren't you so pretty?" "We've missed you! Where've you been?" "I wish my grandson would date someone like you." "Hiya doll" (from Eddy, followed by a kiss on the hand.) I mean honestly. They do more for me than I do for them, I'm sure of it.

Gonna be in Hawaii one week from today-first Oahu, then Maui. I can't believe we're actually going; I am so friggin excited! The things we know we're doing are--seeing Pearl Harbor, going to the Polynesian Cultural Center (everyone's fave on Oahu, it seems like), doing snuba (somewhere between scuba and snorkeling i think), taking surfing lessons (that one's just me), and hiking thru the lush hills of Maui, among other things. My GOD I'm so excited.

And the last part of my update...sigh....
I of course have fallen for someone. It's the first person ever that I can't have and it sucks and hurts and I hate it and I haven't told him or anyone else that knows him. I just take all the time I can get with him and try to enjoy it as much as possible because I'd rather have him around me and not be mine than not have him at all. But damn.....it's like soooo good and soooo bad all at the same time. Definetly a lesson in patience or something...I hope.

Anyway, I met some other dude that's my age (bleh) at a coffee house who seems really nice and has just called and asked me to do lunch, so who knows? Maybe it'll be a good distraction.

I'm sure no one even reads this crap anymore, but if you do, I hope things are going really well for you and your summer is wonderful and you know...all that.

Talk to ya again in another several months, ol' friend blog. Buh bye~

AAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

So I'm reading a microbiology textbook today at work and reading about the Helicobacter genus, most famously known for being the cause of ulcers. There are several species, of course, and there was one that caught my eye. This particular species is only found in two places....are you ready for this? It's found in...............................................








homosexual men...............................................................................













and...............................................................................































hamsters.









AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahahahahahahaha

Quote of the day

"That guy is just too wussy for you. You need a guy that can change car parts. Yeah. But not, like, a mean one, because a lot of guys that can change car parts are mean. A nice guy. That can change car parts." - Gary

"I totally agree." -Me

One minute later...

"I can change any car part in 20 minutes." -Gary

Valentine's Day

I was sitting at my desk today at work thinking about Valentine's Day. For someone who hasn't been in a long relationship for awhile, you'd think I'd be more bitter than I am, but I really enjoyed today. I've eaten a lot of good things, and got to wear red and pink simultaneously which is a fashion no-no usually, so everything is just peachy. So, satisfied with today, I started thinking back to past Valentine's Days, and had a lot of fun thinking about the variety. So, of course, I thought I'd write about it.

My first, and only early Valentine's memory is making a red heart card with a white doiley in my elementry school in New Jersey. I brought it home and gave it to my mom, who had made a large heart cake. She used to make a lot of cakes, before she stopped believing in white flour. After this memory, no Valentine's Day is memorable until 8th grade.

My first HUGE crush was 8th grade. Turns out I ended up with the guy a few years later at a different Valentine's Day, but more on that below. I remember worrying for weeks about what I would get him if anything, and ended up getting him chocolate and some sort of bear, I believe. And maybe sent one of those school carnations, I don't know, but I went a little overboard I think. I don't know what he got me, but I remember it was something, and I remember I was happy. Very happy. And probably very squealy, as 13 year old girls are.

Can't remember freshman or sophomore years...and had a boyfriend for one of those, hehe, oops. Junior year I was taken out to dinner, and given a teddy bear, which has gone down as the ugliest teddy bear in history. I mean, THE UGLIEST. I was afraid to sleep with that thing at night. But it was the thought that counts, and I still have the bear....thing....to this day.

Senior year..oh, scandal. I had a boyfriend, the one back from 8th grade, who brought me a flower made of chocolate to school, and took me out to a movie that night (Sweet November, veeery romantic). We also went to Trambino's for dinner, but I think that part was my gift to him. The scandal lies in the 3rd corner of the love triangle. My best friend in high school, who was a guy, had some feelings for me and completely showed up my boyfriend with the gifs. AND brought them all to school. HE brought huge amounts of flowers and chocolate and had surprises all day, and ....wow. Wow. I mean, it was kind of bad because of the situation, but still, way to go man. Way to go out on the ledge there and not care what anyone else thought. And chocolate...yum.

Freshman year of college- still with previous boy, though not for long. Long distance at that point, of course. I sent him one of those cards that was about 2 feet tall and said something cheesy like "I love you thiiiiis much." His other gift from me is a very big secret that FEW know about. He sent me a diamond necklace in the mail. I thought, How lucky am I? About a week later, he broke up with me. Thought the necklace would "soften the blow" or something like that. Haven't worn the thing since.

Sophomore year- sick with the flu, and sleeping a lot. Boyfriend at the time decided to (while I was "sleeping") decorate the outside of my dorm room door with hearts he cut out of posterboard and pictures of the place we began our coupledom at with the words "I love you Erynn" written on them (all done on computer and looking very professional, of course). The entire door was covered. I could hear every bit of scotch tape he pulled off the roll, every "tap tap tap" when sticking hearts on the door, and every footstep as he walked away down the hall. But when I tiptoed out of bed to see just exactly what he'd done, I was floored, and very surprised. That night we had to cancel our date but he took very good care of me anyway. A very good Valentine's Day.

Junior year-new excitement. I tried to plan a romantic Valentine's evening in Sedona, but turns out, restraunts in Sedona are hard to come by on Feb.14. So the restraunt was just okay, but the evening turned out really nice. We went to see 50 First Dates in the afternoon. We even ended up at a grocery store buying really bad truckstop style food before dinner because I got hungry after waiting so long. I also had a friend buy me some champagne for the occasion, being 20 and all, because I thought it would help make the evening a little....smoother, if you will. It did. The whole thing was just nice and enjoyable.

Senior year- the first single year in awhile, as you can see. The girls and I had a Happy Un-Valentine's Day Party-if you're single, come on by. And they did. There was about 45 people at our house. We still decorated Valentiney though because we aren't complete scrooges. It was a lot of fun too, and I got a couple of dates afterwards with a guy that I met in my own house. But later he got really drunk at a party at his house, ignored me the whole night, and then spilled beer all down my front. Buh-bye. I miss those girls, though.

Today- still single, still okay with it. Ali and I baked 3 chocolate cheesecakes- one for my work, one for her work, and one for us of course. Today at work was enjoyable enough, and then I made a fantastic dinner- chicken parmisian, pasta, zucchini and mushroom sauted in olive oil and garlic, and sparkling apple cider, cause neither one of us drink much. And then of course chocolate cheesecake. Fabulous. Just fabulous. My mom also got me a gift and a beautiful card. And life is good.

Happy Valentine's Day, love you~

Check yes or no

Hi.

I guess blogs are out this year, because nobody really writes in them anymore. However, my head is starting to get full again, of all the same thoughts, circling around and around, so it's time to get them out in the universe so that new thoughts can occupy my time.

Because my life is finally settling into a comfortable and much less dramatic cushy place, I have time for my good ol' frivilous thoughts of men, relationships, and all the icky love stuff. And due to the fact that I watch nothing but season after season of Sex and the City reruns, these thoughts come out in the form of witty banter, amusing to me, and maybe to you too. Maybe not. But I'm starting to feel like quite the expert on this crap. Now, before you think I'm full of myself here, I will honestly say I think I am AWFUL at dating, relationships, and stuff. The only thing I pride myself is the ability to flirt with anything. The other day at a stoplight, I turned to a good looking man in the car next to me and smiled, while turning my sunglasses down, to flash the eyes, you know. I have no idea why, feeling bold I guess. Know what he mouthed back? "Nice glasses......," with a big grin. But if he were to ask me out? My response would be something along the lines of "Shm hrm flesp leiz." Honestly. Terrible.
I had a point. Ah, yes, the fact that I am beginning to see myself as a bit of an expert. I've dated. I've hooked up. I've had the longest relationships (longest to date- 1 year, 2 months), and shortest (2 days). I've been set up. I've dated friends. Strangers. People that were convenient. People that I had no interest in. People I couldn't even look at I was so smitten with. People I met through this very here blog...haha. (You could be next! Muahaha). I was thinking about all the types of guys and the bad dates, the really great ones that you remember every moment of, the ones that ended with a face rape (bad kissers..ew) that left a scab, and the one that got away. And even though I don't consider myself the absolute greatest catch in the world due to certain, shall we say "issues" (can we say MENTAL? hehe) I look around at certain people that are engaged, or, heaven forbid, already married, and sometimes can't help but think, what do they have that I don't? Somewhere out there there has got to be someone that finds my quirky, somewhat strange, likes to fight just as much as she likes to...not fight (=) )... self quite pleasant. That's when I began to think maybe I'm not such an expert after all. And then I realized--dating today is completely fucked up.

Dating today--there are so many LEVELS. I mean, these days, best to start as friends, right? so you know you're not ending up with a liar/psycopath. Then maybe you'll go on to the occasional hook up. Then you've turned into "friends with benefits." What does this mean? It sounds to me like you hook up and then the guy pays for your dentist appointment and a bit of life insurance. If all goes well there (which it never does) then maybe you'll move into relationship status, or at least, going public with your "togetherness." Then there is the alternate route. If you start with a date with someone you don't know as a friend, this could progress to several dates, and then maybe "dating exclusively" (I have actually done this. It means you are dating and seeing nobody else. Umm.....isn't that what a relationship is? Boyfriend/ girlfriend? Know what this term is missing? Committment. Do not fall for this, ladies.) If all goes well, maybe one of these days a mutal decision is reached that you both want to be each other's significant other, with titles and everything. Wow. (Gag me.) I am not a hypocrite, I will not lie, I have put off having the girlfriend title much longer than I probably should have because of the committment that comes with it and the fear of yet another broken heart, but when it comes down to it, you can always break up, so it's not as big of a deal as we make it out to be. Getting back to it though, what exactly is dating to begin with? In a very popular 80s movie with a very young, cute John Cusack, a date is defined as "a meeting with the possibility of love." Yeah, maybe in the 80s. Today? "A meeting with the possibility, we hope, of a free dinner."
Anyhoo.
It used to be simple. About 50 years ago, cute boys asked cute girls to share a chocolate shake and, if things got serious, wear his pin. About 35 years ago, a cute, if not a little high, boy would ask a long haired girl, with a flower in it, "Hey baby....wanna check out my van?" 9 monts later a baby named Willow was born. About 20 years ago, a guy with really bad hair, would ask a girl with shoulder pads "Feel like hanging out in my basement? I got the new Thriller record! And I think there's a dance to it!" And about 16 years ago, a little boy chased a little girl (moi) around a playground shouting "I love you! I want to marry you! COME BACK! I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!"

So easy!

Talking to my roomate the other day, she was telling me a story about two kids in her class that are so obviously smitten with each other. They were trying to spend as much time as possible together and kept getting all touchy...and the entire class could tell they liked each other.

I think if we could just put aside our thoughts of "I'd tell him if I KNEW he'd be interested too" "I'd go for it if he didn't have that girlfriend (that treats him like crap)." "But I dated his friend...and his other friend...he's probably heard so many bad things about me" "I can't hurt him anymore, and I can't let him hurt me anymore." There's just too much baggage and too much pressure...we adults (is that what we are now? really?) do not know what the hell we are doing.

When I was 11 I got a note from a boy named Alex. It said "Do you want to be my girlfriend? Check yes or no." with two boxes drawn for my answer.

I miss those days.

And yet, I can't go back to them. I mean, what if I tell him, and he's just not interested? =)

Do you ever just get bored with yourself?

I know I do.

2006

This last week has been fantastic. It started with Christmas, which was great. I worked about 5 hours on Christmas day, which most people would see as sucky, but it really wasn't bad. Pat said it. She said "You know, I'm not at all dissappointed being here today. I get to be with all of you," with complete sincerity. I felt the same way. Yay for work family.
I loved all the time I got to spend with my actual family too. We do pretty damn well together, all things considering. Found out my cousin in engaged.... Sorry. The guy is old, with kids. I don't really get it, but whatever. At least I don't have to marry him. But besides that, there was good food, good coversation, lots of laughs, and LOTS of presents. They never stop, I swear. See, that's the greatest benefit to not being married at my age and being seen as an adult...I still get lotsa stuff like one of the kids. =) And I don't mind it.
I had a shit day due to people's laziness at work on Wednesday and then went to the gym and had this old nasty guy hit on me and (ew) drip sweat on me, which I think made me throw up, just a little, so I wasn't in such a good mood by the time I got to my parents house for dinner. I walked in and saw a piece of mail with my name on it, so I opened it and saw a paycheck....but it wasn't payday, and I don't get my checks in the mail....so I look a little closer and notice the fine print "Sign-on bonus." This was something I'd forgotten about as it was only mentioned once six months ago. But my first six months is up at work, and my TWO THOUSAND DOLLAR SIGN ON BONUS appeares, as if sent down from the heavens. Okay, to me that's a lot of money. At least, for just being handed to you. So yippee!
So then today I went shopping. Haha, actually, I did shop, but not with that money, with all the gift cards from Christmas. Got some seriously cute things at NY and Co., New Balance tennis shoes, the....IPEX....by...Victoria's....Secret...oh my god, it's like wearing a supportive cloud, I tell you. And some other good things. This week was just all about good things--for example:
The RANDOM night I had last night. My high school best friend, Michael, is in town, and as popular as that kid is, he still found an evening to hang out with me, which, of course started at the usual Dion's. However, this is, after all, Albuquerque and it was 9 pm, and there was nothing to do. So after many quick turns of my car and some suggestions that led to no where, we were, and God only knows the reason, on our way to Santa Fe. We arrived around 10, and drove around until we found the only thing open in all of Santa Fe, which was this little, beatnik (is that how that's spelled? I should know, I'm part Flagstaffian) coffee house filled with interesting looking people. After that it was off to the square, or the plaza, or whatever it's called. There we did some dancing on the stage they have there to the music of a band jammin out in the Ore House (whore house...hehe), and the proceeded to drive back and hang out at the apt. Granted, we didn't do much in Santa Fe or much in Albuquerque, but it was all really great and the car rides were fun, and I just really appreciated someone willing to do something completely random and not think it was weird, or boring, or anything. Nobody wants to try anything fun or new these days, everybody does the same shit--drinking, watching movies, going downtown, sitting around people's apartments....is this really all people my age are willing to do anymore? C'mon ya'll. I know I do it all too, but I still appreciate some good old fashioned random fun, and even if the destination is kinda worthless, the ride was really fun.
Now that I knocked drinking and hanging out at people's apartments, what are ya'll doing for New Years? =) Haha, actually, I had some pretty cool plans with the latest interest, but alas, it didn't work out, as it never does. Man, I have issues. =) At least I can laugh at them, and maybe someday I'll find someone that will love me anyway. In the meantime, I am buying myself lots of pretty things to distract myself. Whoever says money can't buy happiness is completely filled with shit.

Hrm, what else?

2006 is in, like a day, so that's really cool. I'm SO looking forward to saying goodBYE and good RIDDINS to 2005. Fucking year. Goodbye to--car accidents, saying goodbye to friends, studying, illness, bad decisions, regrets, panic attacks, heartbreak from family, heartbreak from moving, heartbreak from...well, you know. Ahhhhh.............feels really good.

Happy New Year~